Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
