need another drink. this is the easiest way
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
