Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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