She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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