She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Randomize
