i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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