she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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