Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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