Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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