true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
