it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
