I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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