yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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