Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
