I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize