Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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