That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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