Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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