dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
