i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
