We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
