i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
