Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
