I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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