You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
