East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
