She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
