That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I puked a lego.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
