Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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