Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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