you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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