I cockslap morals
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
