There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
