If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
