I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
