he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
