Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
