I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
