ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
