Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
