used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
