I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
