We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
