We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
