this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
