Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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