i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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