Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
