It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
