I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
