Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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