i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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