the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
