My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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