apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
