how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
