2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
