ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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