When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
