If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize