you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
