easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
