Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
