i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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