dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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