I think im going to throw up on grandma
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
