You're my little dorito
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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