I just cut my nipple shaving
You can't special order awesome
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
