How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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