i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize