this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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