so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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