i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
