At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
