Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
