im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
