Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
