Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
