NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
