soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
