So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I did not marry a roomba.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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