my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
