dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
